


Does a Kristoff Tinkle In The Woods?

by orphan_account



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Desperation, Friendship, Humor, Urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-30 04:29:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20808545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Yes. And also in flower pots.





	Does a Kristoff Tinkle In The Woods?

"Okay, Elsa, you can do this!" Elsa did her best to empower herself, as she tried on her largest winter cloak, dark blue, as if it would hide her in the crowd better. Her parents had gone away on some super-secret mission to the forest up north, far north judging by the backpacks the servants were packing in the kitchens yesterday morning. 

She fashioned herself an ice key matching the keyhole of the locked window in her bedroom, put on her gloves, with mittens on top of it, _ just in case _. 

*********

Kristoff jumped from tree to tree happily. The autumn leaves made the sun easily visible through the bare tree branches. He climbed up on top of a thick pine when he spotted some large banners. The harvest was well and truly over, judging by the market stands gathering in the town square. He double-checked the wheels of his little cart, before goading Sven forward towards the town. 

Sven was mostly unsupervised, left free to eat carrots, whenever the salesmen looked away. 

Kristoff's attention was fixated on a musician playing ancient folk songs. There were neither in Norwegian, nor Old Norse. He soon found himself, especially _ his legs _, lost in the music dancing curiously similar to the musician's friends, who were performing a dance as well. 

He decided to ask Pabbie for more background on his parents. All he had heard was that they were "lost in nature", not specifically _ dead _ or _ alive. _ One of them was, or _ had _ undoubtedly _ been _, from the same culture and language.

His joyous dancing was suddenly disturbed by a fair number of eyes observing him. Kristoff noticed a few mothers were shaking their head kindly. It was the type of gesture reserved for when your child was behaving strangely, or, _ misunderstanding _ their bodies. The latter turned out to be the case as he investigated his muscles. Looking down at himself, he realized that he'd subconsciously started a dance less associated with music, and more connected to an _ eager bladder _. With a small blush, Kristoff ran off, away from the crowd. 

Now he had a problem. Kristoff had grown up in the forest, raised by trolls. Mother Nature was the only "toilet" he knew. He remembered what he had previously used, back when he had lived with the ice workers in various inns in the town, at a much younger age. But he didn't remember where any of the inns were, nor did he like his _ odds _, at running to find them. Kristoff was already considering jumping on Sven, to apply pressure to his bladder, and was also still doing a slight dance on the spot. Fortunately, he was in the shade, and hence invisible at his current 12-year old size. 

********

Elsa was studying some decorated clay pots, with the Arendelle symbol on them, when she realized she was not the only one _ hiding _ near this particular stand. A boy with hair as white as her own, or according to a library book she'd seen, as white as the _ Northuldra _ people, was hunched forward with his hands in his pockets, concealed by the shade cast by the stand's canopy. She frowned, concerned for him. 

She didn't know what to do. Helping him, would risk Elsa revealing herself for the first time in 4 years, entirely against the protocol her parents set up to protect her. Elsa had no choice but to summon one of the friendly adults to his aid. She used her conspicuousness to attempt to conjure a small patch of ice underneath the boy's feet. She succeeded, but it had a strange, unexpected side effect. 

Kristoff felt a sudden _ twinge _ in his bladder, like the pee was tugging forward, trying to get out. He grabbed himself harder, and put his knees together, until...he slipped on a frozen puddle that Kristoff didn't remember seeing a second before. He ended up sprawled on the cold ground, his legs crossed below the knees. 

Elsa felt bad for the boy's noticeably pained stature. She stepped carefully towards him. 

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly. Hearing a voice speaking to him, Kristoff tensed every muscle and stood, a small distance from the ice. He shuffled idly on the spot. He nodded quickly, before his eyes caught Elsa's. Her eyes were shining blue, her skin bleak, as was to be expected, with nothing by reflected sunlight to refresh her complexion. Her small smile and hair left no doubt in Kristoff's mind as to her true identity. 

"You're.." Kristoff pointed in astonishment. He'd only seen her in the odd picture. Elsa quickly grabbed his hand, and pressed it against his mouth, signalling for him to be quiet. She looked around, ensuring that no one heard him, nor were paying any attention to her. Kristoff frowned in confusion, at the blind fear the princess was displaying, then hurried away to make a last-ditch effort to find somewhere to pee. 

He quickly located a flower stand with a single large flower pot. It was placed in a manner that made it easily accessible as a _ receptacle _. As the stand was close to the fjord, and there were no boats, Kristoff found himself completely invisible. 

He wasted no time untying his trousers, and pulling himself out. He aimed his willy inside the pot with precision, and let go. Kristoff closed his eyes and sighed happily in relief.

Elsa found the boy by the water, _ peeing _ into a flower pot! She snorted with laughter, while silently walking towards him. When Kristoff was sealing himself back up, Elsa announced her presence by freezing the "water" in the flower pot. The sight hurried Kristoff's plight of re-dressing himself, and he turned around, seeing Princess Elsa chuckling at him.

"You know there are _ parts _ of the castle that _ aren't _closed?" She reminded him pointedly. 

Sven, who was drinking from the water fountain, had trodded over to the pair of kids, tilting his head, waiting for Kristoff's excuse. 

"Old habits. I live in the woods," He explained, scratching behind his ear awkwardly. 

"So, you've never used a _ toilet _?" Elsa asked, sceptically. 

"No, I have. Just not in a long time,"

"Well, next time you visit, if I'm not sneaking around, look for Kai, one of my dad's servants. Big nose, bald with sideburns, large. You can't miss him. He'll help you find a bathroom, ´kay?" Elsa offered. She put her hand on Kristoff's abdomen, making it cold, just like she almost did earlier. He batted her hand away, shuddering slightly at the sensation.

"Hey! Alright, don't want a repeat of today," he agreed. He reached a hand out carefully, to introduce himself, bowing respectfully. 

"I'm Kristoff, by the way..your royal highness," 

"You can just call me Elsa, or Princess Elsa if you like," she assured him, stroking his shoulder kindly. 

Kristoff nodded and walked over to Sven, getting ready to ride him back to the forest. Once seated in his cart, he turned around to Elsa. 

"Just, don't use your powers against me again," he requested. 

"That was an _ accident _," Elsa defended herself. 

"Right, exactly. You nearly made _ me _ have one!" Kristoff yelled, waving goodbye to her.

He would come to be the only friend Elsa would meet, and the only one she'd forget. Until the day she met Kristoff's _ parents _, that is...

The End.


End file.
